Current situation (no hates please)

Depressed, suicidal.

     Here I am, back again. I was getting better and right now, I'm just getting worst than before. 2016, senior year for me, an important year for my education as well but things really aren't working out well right now, not at all. In danger.

     A little teenager named (name to your liking) is having huge trouble in concentrating on her studies. Parents, teachers, family all having expectations on her but her situation now isn't that cooperative with all these. She needs a doctor, she needs help but to what everyone cares only is her education in how she can score with flying colors. Her mother did it! Her elder sister did it! Now it's her turn but.... she couldn't do it. Right now, money is a problem, society is a problem, herself is a problem. Why can she do? She's beginning to talk lesser than before. She's beginning to isolate herself more from the world and from everyone around her. Or she'll 'SNAP' at whoever that comes her way. She's confused. 

     Day by day she hates herself. She's being unproductive for she no longer have those energy to bring out any activities. She'd lost all interest for things around her. Looking at mirrors all she could say was "why are you you? I hate you." She doesn't only lock everyone out but she also locked herself out. Whenever she cries, that pain is overwhelming. She strangles herself to stop the tears. She wanted people to not give her up but, she'd already given up in her life, in herself.

Quotes of the day

Be nice to everybody, it costs nothing to be nice. :) 

#have a good day everybody !!

The Duff

Frumpy high school Bianca( Mae Whitman) has a rude awakening when she learns that her classmates secretly known her as the DUFF- designated ugly fat friend-- to her prettier and more popular pals. Desperate to reinvent herself. Bianca enlists the aid of Wesley (Robbie Amell), a charming jock. In order to save her senior year from becoming a complete disaster, Bianca must find the confidence to overthrow a judgmental student chick ( Bella Thorne) and revolutionize the school's social order.

Bianca: Homecoming meant nothing to me at first but tonight it turned out to be amazing!!!!!

One of the conversation between Bianca and Wesley that I'd love the most was during homecoming night when Wesley was crown as Prom King but he kept his eyes on Bianca.
Bianca: Aren't you gonna get your crown?
Wesley: I wanna get the girl *HOT ALERT*

This is one of my favorite movie! If you have problems in high school and around your hot friends, make sure you watch this, your won't regret! 
Link: 
https://xmovies8.org/watch?v=The_DUFF_2015#video=SZ9iXIPMyB-TsyVzQQAhwkg7z3_lEPwvKeVN3bKRGyg

My darkest days-2014.09.13

I once knew a living angel. She is someone everyone wish to know. She was my mother Theresa, she was my guardian angel, she was my grandmother. At a very young age this living angel of mine took care of me with all her love. When I'm with her I could feel the happiness that fills me up, the love that had been showered upon me. I still remember the times I was there, she would always ask me 2 questions: 1. Who send you here? 2.Have you eaten? Are you hungry? 

Whenever I stay for dinner, she would always cooked dishes that I love. I still remember the last time I saw her, she was very ill. She had forgotten some family members of hers, she even forgotten how maybe children she have but she still remembered me. She still remembered to asked me that 2 questions that she always asked. I remember that day, even though she was very ill, she still wanted to go to the kitchen to cook for me. Her love is so wonderful, so magical, so lovely. It broke my heart when I saw her. She'd lost so much weight and she could no longer smile nor walk. She went through so much pain. That time I questioned: "She such a good person, why does she still have to go through so much suffering?" Till this day I still dont know the answer. On time she told me " If daddy or mummy don't want you, I want you. If anyone don't love you, I love you. And you are always my child"

On 2014.09.11- I happily told my father this: "Daddy, Sunday(14.04.2014) I would like to go see granny" and dad nodded. I patiently waited for that day to come in such gladness till I got a phone call the next morning say that grandma had passed. I felt my whole world fell on me. The pain is unstoppable. I did not have the chance to say goodbye to her or told her that I love her so much. for months my life became meaningless. Until today I still cry in my sleep at times. I could only talk to her photograph now. Wishing that she could hear me saying how much I miss her and love her. She had taught me to love and be kind. She had let me know what it feels like to be happy. 

What change is my thinking. I still cry that is true but I go on with life because I believe that she wants me to. I believe that she wants me to be happy and I believe that she is now in a better place. I believe that she never left. She is always in my mind and heart.

R.I.P granny. You will forever be love and miss.

*This story is for those who had lost their loved ones just like me on the way of life. I hope it helps to console you guys a little. Xoxo

Little talks

Reminder: No matter where you go, there's always gonna be those people or person that talks about you.

Some people might think that you don't know they are talking about you, when you know they are. Sometimes, the trick is to care less. The more you care the more hurt you'll get and let me tell you this, a lot of people out there are waiting to see you to fall and that is not worth it. It's difficult I know, I've been through it. But after a long term that way, you'll somehow realize that you can't stop everyone for talking cause it's their mouth but one thing you can control is your heart from breaking. 

Actually, the biggest enemy of every person is ourselves. This is why we need to first learn how to control ourselves. :) 

When you get the hang of it, you can tell yourself this: 'I AM A FIGHTER'. When you stop caring of what others got to say, believe me, you'll be a happier person. 

*Good Luck!!! Xoxo

Betray, new girl in school

It all started with school. I had a bestfriend that I do all my things with, we knew each other since 2nd grade. We thought we will be bestfriends forever(well I thought) but doom doom doom ended.. This is the typical bullshit backstab story and I have no interest in going deep about because like I said TYPICAL. And I as normal human got mad, sad, disappointed and all. Our friendship that I wanted to maintain went down the drain when I had to move to a different school in 9th grade. In someways it's a blessing, in someways it's horrifying!!!! Gosh I still remember the first day of school I knew exactly nobody in that school and when I say nobody, I mean NOBODY!!!! Obviously being the new girl in school is like "OH SNAP!!!" and making you go "RETREAT! RETREAT!! SOS OVER OVER CAN ANYONE HEAR ME? S.O.S S.O.S!!!!!" It wasn't easy at all! Why? Because when u are the 'NEW KID' people will start checking you out like they are the 'spy' and I am the 'criminal' like what?! Other than that rumors fly about the school and rumors as in total bullshit untrue rumors. So I got talked bad a lot behind my back which I would like to ring a bell here, I AM NOT DEAF I CAN HEAR YOU!!! School was like hell to me, my hell on earth that is.

I used to care a lot but slowly I realize that I can't shut anyone's mouth, I can't make everyone like me. For this it made me a well I wouldn't say happy person but happier than I used to be. I still have people talking about me well I know for sure that no matter what I do, people will talk until the day of my funeral so I kinda don't give a damn anymore. *Special information, if you want to be a happier person, don't care so much about what people have to say about you. The most important one is how you look at yourself. People come in all shapes and sizes. No matter what, everybody is worth the love. Everyone should be proud of themselves. My father in heaven taught me to love my neighbor as he had loved me, to love and forgive. Yes, it is difficult to do so. A lot of people that are reading this must be saying "you must be insane! How can you love your enemies? How can you forgive them?" well my way of forgiving is I don't take revenge on you, I don't destroy you or step you when u are in difficulty I forgive as in I won't talk bad about u and all, but I will walk away from you. In another way of saying it, I don't hurt you and I don't get myself hurt too. So it's a two perfect complete way of solving things.

Until this day, I am now in 10th grade and I still don't understand why I got hated. I am probably not the most friendly person but if u get to know me, you will realize I am at least not fake. I love everyone around me dearly and u can call me selfish now cause I do not want to lose anyone of these people I have now in my life. They might not be the 100% perfect people in the world but they are 101% perfect people in my world, in my life! I might be only 15th(turning 16th in december this year) but I've went through quiet a few things that you guys might not be able to imagine about.

To be continue..... *Love ya'll xoxo*

Introduction

Greetings everyone! I am rewriting my blog starting from now. As from my title, all of you might already know that I am a teenager. I am like all other normal teenagers that wants life happy and fun and playful. But in reality my life is borrriiiiinnnggggg!!!!(well not exactly haha, just being sarcastic). I don't write very well but this blog is gonna tell you all little by little of this teenager's life. Not much of an excitement but still am able to go through my days. I am being occupied by school, family, friends and my boy <3 This blog also has an aim to it. I would like to share my story of my difficult times and help those out there whom are facing the same things that I've went through. I just hope that everyone that reads my blog enjoys it. Well please do support and hope you guys like it! Love ya'll